Top 366 Quotes & Sayings by Chelsea Handler

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Chelsea Handler.
Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Joy Handler is an American comedian, actress, writer, television host, and producer. She hosted the late-night talk show Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014 and released a documentary series, Chelsea Does, on Netflix in January 2016. During 2016 and 2017, Handler hosted the talk show Chelsea on Netflix.

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Aa Meeting Ability Abortion Absolutely Accents Accidentally Accounts Accused Achieved Achieved Success Hide All Acknowledge Acting Actor Actors Actress Actual Adage Addiction Admit Adoption Adult Adults Advanced Advice Affairs Afraid Agree Agreed Airport Airport Security Aisle Al Qaeda Album Alcoholics Alive All Night Allegations Allowed Allure Always Happy Amazing Amazon America American Amount Amuse Amusement Anderson Angeles Angelina Jolie Anger Animal Animals Announced Annoying Answer Anymore Apartment Apologize Apology Apparently Appeal Appearance Appetite Appreciate People Approach Apps Arena Argue Arms Armstrong Around The Corner Arrived Article Artillery Ashley Asian Asked Asks Assume Atlanta Attain Attainable Attended Attention Audacity Aunt Austin Authentic Authenticity Author Authority Awesome Babies Baby Baby Steps Bachelorette Back Bacon Bad Days Bad Girl Bad Thing Bad Things Badass Badly Bagels Bahamas Bakery Ball Ball Game Balls Banana Barbara Barely Barn Baseball Baseball Team Based Basement Basic Bastards Bathroom Batteries Be Good Be Nice Be Nice To People Bear Begin Behaved Behaving Behavior Being Betrayed Being Bullied Being Famous Being Human Being Pregnant Beings Belief Belly Belly Laughs Belt Benefit Best Friend Betrayed Beware Big Hair Biggest Bill Bill Clinton Billboard Bills Birthdays Black Blackout Blood Blow Blow Job Body Body Love Body Weight Bold Book Books Booth Bore Bored Boring Born Borrowing Borrowing Money Boss Bottle Bottom Bought Bounty Bounty Hunter Boyfriend Bracelet Brad Brad Pitt Brain Break Break Up Breakfast Breaks Breakup Breasts Breath Brighter Bring Britney Britney Spears Broadcast Broke Brother Brothers Brothers And Sisters Bruce Budget Bullied Bullying Bummer Bunch Burden Burgers Burn Bush Business Buttons Buying Cable Call Call Me Calls Calories Camel Campaign Can't Trust You Cancer Cannabis Capacity Care Career Cares Carries Case Cash Cast Cast Members Catcher Catholic Catholic School Cats Celebrate Celebrities Celebrity Cent Certificate Challenge Champagne Chance Changed Charge Charged Charging Charismatic Charities Charlie Charts Chasing Cheat Check Checks Chef Chelsea Chicken Child Children Chip Chips Chips And Salsa Choose Christina Chuck Circle Circumstances Circus Claim Clean Cleaning Clear Climate Clinton Close Closes Closest Closet Closets Club Cocaine Cocktail Cocky Coffee Coke Collect Collected Comedian Comedians Comedic Comedy Comics Coming Commitment Communicate Community Company Compared Compelled Compelling Complete Conan Concern Confidence Confuse Confusion Conjecture Conjunction Consideration Considered Consistently Constantly Constitutional Constitutional Right Construct Consumers Continue Contraception Contribute Conversation Conversations Convicted Convictions Cook Cooks Cooks In The Kitchen Cool Cool Girl Cooler Corner Costa Rica Costumes Country Counts Couple Couples Cousin Cover Cowboys Craft Crazier Crazy Cream Create Credentials Creepy Critics Crowning Cruise Customer Customer Service Customs Cute Cute Things Date Dated Dates Dating David Days Daytime Dead Deal Dealer Dealing Dearth Death Decide Decided Decisions Defending Degree Delicious Deliver Delving Demographic Denial Deserve Deserved Destroy Devastating Develops Device Devilish Diamonds Diet Difference Dirty Disagree Discuss Disgusted Disgusting Dishes Dishonest Dislike Disliked Divisive Divorce Doctor Documentaries Documentary Dogs Dolphin Don't Care Don't Trust Donald Donald Trump Door Doubt Dowry Drama Dream Dress Dresses Drink Drink And Drive Drinker Drinking Drinking Too Much Drinks Drip Drive Driving Drove Drug Drug Addict Drug Addiction Drunk Drunk Driving Dumb Dying Earlier Early Earth Easily Easy Easy To Get Eating Eating Ice Cream Economic Economic Climate Economic Times Ecstasy Editing Educate Effort Election Embarrassed Embarrassing Embrace Eminem Emotion Enact Encourage Ended Ends Enduring Enemy Energy Enter Entertainment Entire Envisioned Envisioning Equal Escapism Even Worse Event Eventually Every Time Ex Boyfriend Exaggerated Exception Exclamation Executed Exercise Exercising Exes Exist Expect Experience Experienced Explain Exposure Extended Eyebrows Eyes Face Facet Fact Factor Factory Failure Fair Fair Game Fall Fallen Falling Falling Off Falls Family Famous Fanny Fashion Fashion Industry Fast Father Favor Favorite Favorite Thing Favorite Things Fear Feather Federal Feeding Feel Feeling Feelings Feels Feign Felt Female Females Ferrets Fiasco Fifteen Fight Figure Fill Filled Filler Finally Find Find Me Finding Fine Finger First Date First Kiss First Person First Place First Time Fish Fitness Five Years Flight Focus Follow Follow Me Food Foot Football Football Game Forbidden Forcing Foreigner Forsake Forward Found Found Love Fourth Frank Freaks Free Free Spirit Freeways French French Fries Fresh Friend Friends Friendship Friendships Fries Frivolous Front Fruition Frustrating Full Full Circle Funny Funny Women Future Game Game Plan Gave Gay Pride Gays Gender Generally Gentle George George Bush George Clooney George W George W. Bush Get Back Get Involved Get Married Getting Married Ghost Gift Gifts Girl Girlfriends Give Giving Glad Go Home Goal Goals Going To Work Gold Gone Crazy Gonna Good Good Chance Good Day Good Days And Bad Days Good Friend Good Friends Good Idea Good Job Good Luck Good Old Days Good Thing Good Time Good-Looking Goodwill Gordon Gosh Government Graceful Grade Grand Grand Jury Grapefruit Great Great Aunt Great Guy Great Mother Great Place Great Time Great Way Grew Grew Up Gross Group Groups Grow Guarantee Guarded Guessing Guilt Guilty Guns Gusto Guys Hair Half Hand Handful Handle Hands Happen Happened Happening Happiness Happy Happy Hour Happy Life Hard Harris Hart Hate Hate You Haven Having A Baby Head Headed Health Health Care Health Care System Healthy Hear Heard Heart Heartache Heartbreak Heaven Heavier Heavy Heidi Helps Her Eyes Herpes High High School Higher Highest Hillbilly Hilton Hint Hispanics Hold Holiday Hollywood Holmes Home Homeless Homeless People Honest Honestly Hong Kong Horn Host Hosting Hosts Hot Mess Hotel Hotel Room Hotels Hottest Hour Hours House Housekeeping Housewives Huge Huge Impact Huge Responsibility Hulk Human Human Behavior Human Being Human Beings Hummus Humor Hunt Hunter Hurricane Hurt Husband I Care I Don't Care I Hate I Love You I Promise I Realized Ice Cream Idea Ideas Identify Ikea Imagine Immature Immediately Impact Impatient Importance Important Important Thing Inappropriate Incredibly Indonesia Industry Information Informed Ingredients Insecure Inside Insist Inspirational Instagram Install Instincts Intense Interest Interested Interesting Internet Interrupt Interview Interviewer Intimidating Introduce Introduced Investigating Invite Involved Iraq Irresponsible Island Issue Itch Ivory Jack Jail James Jamie Japanese Jealous Jean Jennifer Jessica Jews Jimmy Jobs John Joke Journalists Judge Juices July Jumping Jury Just Kind Just One Thing Katie Keeper Keeping Keys Kick Kids Killer Kind Kind Of Girl Kinda Kinds King Kiss Kitchen Knock Knocking Kong Laid Land Large Last Time Late Late-Night Laugh Laugh At Yourself Laugh Often Laughing Laughs Lawyer Lazy Lead Leads Leaf Lean Learn Learned Learning Leave Left Legs Letter Letting Lgbt License License Plate Lies Life Life Is Life Is A Lighthearted Likes Limbs Limiting Lines Listen Live Liver Living Loaded Long Long Time Long-Term Longer Looked Loose Los Angeles Loser Loud Loudly Love Love For Her Love Me Love You Loves Lower Loyal Loyal Friend Luck Lucky Lying Made Magazine Magazines Magical Main Maintained Maintaining Make Make Me Laugh Make Up Makes Making Making Decisions Making Up Manipulated Margarita Mariah Carey Marriage Married Marry Marry Me Mary Mastered Match Matter Matthew Mature McDonald Mcdonalds Meaningful Meaningless Means Meant Meat Medicine Meet Meeting Melting Member Members Memories Menu Mercury Mess Message Mexican Mexico Michael Microphone Midget Mile Miles Mind Mindful Mindless Minorities Minute Minutes Misfits Missing Mission Mixing Model Model T Moment Mommy Money Month Months Mormon Morning Mother Mothers Motivating Mouth Move Movies Museum Muslim My Family My Favorite My Friends My Life My Sister Naked Names Nanny Narcissistic Nature Neat Neat And Tidy Necessarily Neck Need Money Needed Negativity Negotiation Nerves Nervous Netflix Network New York News Newspaper Next Step Nice Nick Nicole Night Nike Nipples No Business No Experience No Friends No Idea No Reason No Time Nonsense Not Friends Not Interested Note Notes Nudity Number Nurse Obnoxious Obsessed Occupation Offensive Offer Offering Office Old Adage Old Days Old Fashion Older Older Brother Olympics One Thing One-Night Onion Online Open Open Book Opened Opening Openly Opens Opinion Opinions Opportunity Opposite Opposition Oprah Options Order Our Family Our Father Our Relationship Our Time Outfits Overcome Own Business Pack Package Pain Paint Pants Parade Parameters Parenthood Parents Paris Participating Parties Parts Party Partying Pass Passed Passion Passwords Patience Pattern Paying Peace Peace Of Mind Peak Peaking People People In Your Life Percent Perfect Perfectly Perfume Period Permanent Person Personal Personal Appearance Personality Personally Pets Phobia Phone Photographed Photographs Pick Picked Picking Picky Picture Picture Taken Pictures Piece Pilates Pitch Pitcher Place Places Plan Plane Planet Planned Planned Parenthood Planning Plant Plastic Plastic Surgery Plate Platform Play Play Dates Playing Playing Football Playing Soccer Pleasing Pleasure Pockets Poems Point Point Of View Police Political Politics Popping Portion Portray Pose Posing Position Positive Positive Way Post Post Office Potato Pottery Praise Predicted Pregnancy Pregnant Pregnant Women Prerogative Presenting President Press Pretend Pretty Pretty Good Pride Priest Printed Prison Private Problem Product Profound Profound Love Promise Proven Proverbial Provide Provocative Public Public School Public Speaking Publicly Pulled Pursue Push Putting Qualifications Quality Quarterback Question Quick Racism Racist Radio Raise Raised Range Rapper Rarely Rate Ratings React Reactions Read Reading Reads Ready Real Real Housewives Real People Real Problem Realistic Reality Reality Show Reality Television Reality TV Realize Realized Really Interesting Realness Reason Recently Recommend Recover Recovery Referred Reflect Refreshing Regular Regular People Rejects Relationship Remain Remaining Remember Remind Reminded Repeat Report Reporting Republicans Research Respect Responsibility Responsible Rest Rest Of Your Life Restaurant Retarded Reveal Rewarded Rewarding Rewind Rhyme Rhythm Rich Rick Ride Ridiculous Right To Bear Arms Right-Wing Ring Road Rock Rogue Role Role Model Roll Romance Romantic Romantic Comedy Romantic Relationship Room Rope Rough Rude Rumors Rushdie Russian Rwanda Safely Safest Sake Salsa Samantha Same Time Sandra Sandwich Santa Save Saved Saving Saying Bad Things Scale Scared Scenario School Screaming Screw Search Seat Secret Secure Security Seeking Self-Confidence Self-Deprecating Sell Selling Send Sending Sends Sense Sense Of Humor Sentiment Serve Service Serving Setting Severe Shallow Shame Shape Share Sharp Shift Shifting Shiloh Shine Shine Bright Shirt Shoots Shop Shopping Shorts Shot Shotgun Show Show Off Shower Shows Shut Side Sign Signs Silly Simply Simpson Single Single Mom Sister Sisters Six Days Six Months Size Skill Skills Skinny Skins Skirt Sleeping Sleeping Around Slept Slice Slippery Slippery Slope Slope Slot Slow Slow Down Smart Smarter Smell Smells Smoke Smoking So Many Years Soccer Softball Softball Team Sole Some People Something Interesting Space Speak Speak Your Mind Speaking Spears Special Special Olympics Spelling Spend Spending Spent Spirit Stage Stalking Stand Standing Standup Star Staring Stars Start Started Starts State Statement States Station Stay Stay At Home Stay True Step Steps Stick Sticking Stop Stopped Stories Straight Straight Man Strange Strangers Street Strength Strong Struggle Study Stuff Stuffing Stumbling Stupid Style Subway Success Sucking Sudden Suddenly Sued Suffering Suited Summer Summers Sundance Supermodel Superstitious Supposed Surfing Surgery Surround Surround Yourself Surround Yourself With People Surrounded Sushi Sweater Sweater Vests Sweet Swift System Table Tables Tabloid Takes Taking Taking Pictures Talent Talk Talking Talks Tank Taste Tattoo Taylor Taylor Swift Teach Teacher Team Teen Teenager Teens Television Telling Tells Tend Tendency Tennis Term Terms Terrible Testament Thanksgiving The One Thing The Only Thing Theory These Days Thing Things Thinking Third World This Life Thought Thoughtful Threatened Threatening Throwing Throwing Up Tidy Tied Time Times Timing Today Tom Cruise Tommy Tonight Tonight Show Tons Tony Topics Topless Tortured Tough Tough Economic Times Trainers Trampoline Transgender Travel Travelers Treat Tricky Trips True True Strength Trump Trust Truth Tuesday Turkey Turned Turtle TV Show Twenties Twilight Twin Two And A Half Men Two Days Two Things Two Weeks Two Years Type Ugly Unbearable Uncle Uncool Underlying Underneath Understand Understood Underwear Unique United United States Unsure Up Early Vacation Vacations Vegas Veins Version Very Good Very Romantic Very Sweet Vests View Vineyard Virtue Vision Visitor Vodka Volt Volunteer Voluptuous Vomit Vomiting Wagon Wait Waited Waiter Waiting Waiting Tables Wake Wake Up Waking Waking Me Up Walk Walked Wall Walls Wanted Warning Warning Signs Wasted Watch Watch Me Watching Wearing Wears Website Wedding Weed Week Weekend Weekends Weekly Weeks Weight Weird Whatsoever Whips White Who Cares Whole Life Whole World Wife Williams Wind Wing Wings Woman Women Women Are Word Words Work Worked Worker Working Works World World News Worried Worry Worse Worst Worst Enemy Worth Write Writer Writing Writing Poems Wrong Wrote Yeah Year Years Years Ago Yell Yelling Yellow Yesterday York You Guys Young Young Girl Young Girls Young Women Younger Youngest Your Best Friend Your Face 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I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.
You either become like your parents or you become the opposite of your parents. And I like to think that I'm the opposite of my parents.
Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.' — © Chelsea Handler
Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.'
There's a difference between racism and people making a joke about something. There is true racism going on, and people should be able to identify what that is, comparatively.
I try not to cheat on my boyfriends when I have them.
Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.
The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.
I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss.
I encourage interoffice romance.
Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not.
Some men are just disgusted with me and think I should have my mouth sewn shut.
I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
There's a lot of pretty funny women out there. — © Chelsea Handler
There's a lot of pretty funny women out there.
I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.
That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort.
Seeing your parents fall apart is really rough. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
I was broke from 19 to 26, borrowing money from my parents or my brothers or sisters every week to pay the bills.
I think comedy has to come from your authentic point of view.
There was never a moment when I was like, 'I'm going to enter the public conversation on the importance of female nudity.'
There are some really interesting celebrities and people who are fun to interview, but when you have to do it every day because you have to fill a slot, the allure wears off.
The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.
Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'
We women have to stick together.
I've always had a big personality. I was trickier as a kid. I behaved erratically instead of consistently. I would have tons of friends, and then I would have no friends. I'd be with the cool girls, then the uncool girls. I migrated from group to group because I was bored or people got bored with me. I was very intense.
Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
I think pregnancy is a huge responsibility.
I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me.
There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves are good. I try and embrace all those things. I try and embrace the times where I'm not sure of myself or I'm like, 'Is this going to work? Is this going to land?'
I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.
You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.
I don't have a lot of shame. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about the way someone reacts to me or about something I read about myself online. But I don't have a lot of guilt, no. I've always been this way. I'm missing a chip.
It takes me a while to get my appetite going when I wake up early.
Every time I had a book come out, I'm like, 'Is it going to be number one?' — © Chelsea Handler
Every time I had a book come out, I'm like, 'Is it going to be number one?'
I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me.
It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.
I'm a standup comedian, so I need people.
I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.
I like to have a home for people just to have a lot of fun.
I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big bummer.
I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.
Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun. — © Chelsea Handler
Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.
I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I want and stay wherever and bring my friends with me and bring my family on vacation. That's amazing.
I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any woman likes, but it's not the eye of the hurricane for me.
If you're a member of my family, whether immediate or extended, and you want to see my show, don't.
I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.
I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.
I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.
I was the youngest of six kids, and my brothers and sisters were kind of a lot older than me. And the one sister that was, like, in a close age range - she was five years older than me. She was my closest sister in age, and she was a loser.
The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.
TMZ is so disgusting.
MTV is known for their huge budget.
I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That's my problem.
I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala.
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